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Thursday, July 05, 2007

some things...

It occurs to me that South Florida, with its heat and tropical feel, cooks some peoples' brains encourages some people to forget taste when it comes to their appearance. I noticed it even living here, growing up, but I wasn't blogging then. Here are a few pointers I've gathered over the years:
1. After a certain age, women really should not wear cut-off jean mini skirts. Save it for the teenagers; they can get away with it.
2. If you're going to bleach your hair, please do it right and go to a professional that will make it look like you were born with the fabulous blond locks. Please don't think that having yellow and orange hair will fool people.
3. Having skin like leather is not a good look either. Remember the old woman from "There's Something About Mary."
4. Polyester pants don't work well in this heat.
5. Bleached hair extensions will not make you look younger. No matter what. Give it up.
6. String bikinis were meant for people with little to no body fat. Period.
7. Ditto for speedos. Only a few rare people can get away with these. And they aren't the ones actually wearing them!
8. While color coordination is nice, wearing everything of the same color is a bit much. I mean, really, how much green can a person successfully pull off??

That's it for now. Class dismissed.

18 comments:

Matt said...

Claud,

How do you feel about Just For Men's "Brush Out The Grey?"

Willowtree said...

That's pretty much how I remember Ft Lauderdale.

Melissa said...

Ooh. Say it ain't so.

The CEO said...

I'm green with envy over those that can wear a thing, er thong.

Claudia said...

Matt, I've never seen the difference-can you send me before and after pictures please?? :)

Willow, yes, this is partially the land that time forgot. Things don't change very much.

Melissa...ooh, but it is!!

CEO, and yet those that can don't and those that can't do. sigh

Claudia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
swamp witch said...

This should be printed and posted at every beach, swimming pool, and on all cruise ships.

Pamela said...

I wonder if I will retire to Florida with my floppy hat and big flowered moo moo. (I don't have a moo moo, .........yet)

Glamourpuss said...

Damn. I now need to throw out half my wardrobe.

Puss

Jodi said...

Hey... were you visiting the park that my parents live in?!?!? ;-)

Karmyn R said...

When I retire - I am NOT moving to Florida. (well, maybe I should, then I would fit in!) heh heh heh

I swear - what is it about turning old that makes you wear polyester pants? When I turn 75 will I suddenly decide they are the most comfortable things EVER?

Claudia said...

Swampy, I might need some help-wanna volunteer?? :)

Pamela, moomoo!! LOL!!

Glam, HA!

Jodi, I don't know, it seems to be rampant down here!

Karmyn, I want to move to FL before I retire. Why leave it to the old folks???

swamp witch said...

Sure, I'm in...I'll bring the hammer and nails. You print the rules. Where do you want to start?

Claudia said...

Excellent. Wear sunscreen.

Odat said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Peace

Robin said...

Too...too funny. I don't think the people who NEED to read this will ever see it...

What a shame...!

Claudia said...

Robin, want to join Swampy and me on our crusade to post this at every beach and cruise??? :)

Robin said...

I think it would serve mankind well (and womankind, too). :)

What a FUNTABULOUS road trip! You...Swampy...me.... Oh, my, THAT sounds wildly interesting and mucho fun. Let the posting begin!